Parsley, Sage, Desserts and Line Drives

UPDATE..Farnverhawkorf has been temporarily sedated/disabled, although the ‘hawk’ is a nasty little bird that keeps waking up and snapping at us.  Ross Ohlendorf was ‘finally’ sent back down to the minors, since throwing a strike was starting to become quite foreign to him, and when he occasionally did manage to throw a few, they were hit so hard, I hear they’re still orbiting the earth somewhere near the Equator.  Farnsworth still scares the heck out of me, but I will admit, he’s been better.  The surprise here is Jose Veras.  I’m not going to go crazy just yet, as I don’t want to jinx it, but the man has some serious stuff, and it looks like he may have harnessed it. 

On the flip side, due to injuries, and no depth, thanks to Brain Trash..err…Cashman, and his inability to figure out how to properly construct a baseball team – (I’d hate to imagine him at home trying to put together a new swing set for his kids.  The slide would be hanging upside down from a swing chain,  and the swing seats would probably be used as drink coasters) – not to mention his ineptitude when it comes to evaluating talent and addressing the holes that have desperately needed to be, *BUT have not been* filled, in 3 years, our offense currently resembles a AA or bad NL lineup. The lack of hitting ability at the lower middle to  bottom of our lineup, has seemingly rubbed off on the few ’real’ hitters we have left, at the top and top middle of our lineup, who remain somewhat physically unscathed at this juncture (I PRAY that Johnny Damon isn’t out for too long, and by some baseball miracle, Hideki Matsui heals without surgery) *knocking wood until my knuckles chafe*.

This team cannot squeeze out more than 2 to 3 runs a game, and that’s being generous.  It doesn’t matter WHO the pitcher is.  Throw in a guy with a career 81.00 ERA against us, and he’ll shut us down.  OH WAIT, he did, and his name was Scott Feldman, a BP pitcher who was a replacement in the Rangers starting rotation, and who’s stuff is mediocre ‘at best’.  In fact, throw in my cats, and they’ll swat the ball to the plate, as if it’s a mouse, while our hitters swing and miss incessantly, or ‘golf’ the ball to the SS, especially with RISP.  This is the Yankee ’specialty’ this season- GIDP’s, elegantly served with a man on first, OR as an accoutrement to the bases loaded with no or less than 2 outs.  Take your pick, although they both taste like crap. 

The irony here is, we probably lead the league in GIDP’s, yet we can’t seem to turn one, so our defense is pretty shoddy too.  I won’t name names, but someone needs to stop thinking about product endorsements and Hollywood actresses, and work on his range and throwing.  Yes, he’s lost a lot due to age, but come on now…set your feet, and aim the ball to the first baseman, not the stands  (cough, Knoblauch).

Sadly, I don’t think this team is making the playoffs this year.  With the SUDDEN (and I stress the word SUDDEN), and incredibly surprising play of the SUDDENLY (officially the ‘word’ of this entry)  unbeatable Tampa Bay Rays, and the Red Sox pretty much playing consistently good baseball, it’s not looking good.  Not to mention the AL Central teams have gotten extremely hot, so it would take a miracle and a half to make a comeback like we did last season. At this point, this is all I can muster up - .500, at best.

The thing is, come the trade deadline, will we be buyers or sellers?  Will there be any need for trades that will help this team?  A RH bat that can actually hit something other than a beach ball, would be nice, as would a good pitcher to add to our rotation.  (Holliday?  CC, anyone?).  Let’s just hope we’re not 12-14 games out of the division by then, and 8-10 back on the WC.

OK, I’m finished ‘venting’ for now.  However, I have one final shout out, to the rapidly aging ‘Material Girl Hag” who’s currently hooked her claws into our best power hitter’s jock, partly resulting in the dissolution of his marriage.  Please go away, you’re tainting my Yankees.  We have enough problems as it is.